Confessions of a Third Year Teacher

End of the Year...Again

2010-04-20T13:18:00.000-04:00

This year has been particularly stressful for me. I have gone back and forth between wanting to quit my job at the drop of a hat to wanting to teach my whole career because of the potential I see in a few bright students. Overall I feel that teaching was a good choice, but now I feel I need to move up the ladder, so to speak, in the education world. I may only be 25 years old, but I need more rigor in my day to day than just the mindless drivel I am forced to teach. (Thus why my students find me extremely hard, because I find a way around what I HAVE to teach to what I need to teach...)

I am both proud and disappointed in myself for this year. I feel like I made an impact on a few students this year, but I still feel that I failed so many seniors and they will not be ready for life outside of school. It scares me. One tidbit of hope I did get today was a philosophy paper I have my seniors write for their portfolio. In it, this student talks about being "straight edge," which means that they don't partake in drugs, alcohol, or sex. She spoke about how she doesn't understand why people think she's boring because of this and why all of the kids her age go to raves, get drunk, and have sex. This paper let me know that at least one student will be going out of here on the right path. I really hope she keeps those beliefs and holds on tight. This world is crumbling down around our ears and we're too busy to even notice it.

Hopefully the end of the year will come uneventfully and I will continue to fight the good fight against ignorance next year. Who knows where my path will lead though...I could end up losing my job because of all of the budget cuts. I can only hope and pray I will have a job next year.

The Great Gatsby

2009-05-12T22:27:00.002-04:00

I should've never waited so damn long to teach this novel.

Those are the words that continually flash through my mind everyday I teach my juniors. I am having no success at all and I wish I would've taught this novel earlier in the year. I should've taught it after Huck Finn. I love F. Scott Fitzgerald's descriptive writing and elaborate vocabulary, but my students upon seeing a word they do not know instantly hate the novel and say it is confusing. I have tried explaining the novel to them in the most simple manner, but it seems to elude them at every explantion.

When will it get easier? I feel I have not come into my own when it comes to teaching novels, except for Fahrenheit 451. I absolutely love that book and the message it sends to my students, especially because I don't preach on the censorship issue as much as I focus on the criticism of modern society and how the novel eerily captures how our society is turning individualistic with more and more focus on materialism and advancing yourself no matter the cost to anyone else.

This may be a rant about modern society and how The Great Gatsby is also eerily aware of how relationships and class divides work, but more importantly it's about the relevance to students of today. I feel that many of the students take the novel in a more modern pretext and they imagine that it is present day and they can't immerse themselves into the history of the time period. Bootlegging, speakeasies, flappers, and the economic boom after the first World War; easily a time to which they can relate since these events have impacted modern society.

This whole post may be random tangents of my thought processes, but the main point I am trying to get at is why am I teaching this novel to students who are already so challenged by picking up the simplest novel, when I could focus my energies on having them read something more appealing and modern? I am just literally at a loss as to how to approach teaching this novel. I wish I knew of a better way to get the students actively involved.

Vendettas, Bad Days, and Post Secret

2009-04-29T21:11:00.004-04:00

Every teacher has their bad days. Their lesson doesn't go smoothly and everything is in disarray and the kids are on crack or something similar and the whole day you are the one watching the clock and and not other way around. Well, that day was today. Let's give you the back story...

My fiance and I are in the process of buying a home. I was supposed to hear by 6 tonight whether or not they accepted our offer or counter offered. Well, all day I waited in anxiety. I wasn't even thinking about class, but just about what my realtor would say to me when she called. I couldn't sleep last night because of all the anxiety that had built up and there was no way for me to release it. So that's where my bad day started. I tossed and turned (literally) all night until I took a sleep aid to help me get some shut-eye. Well, to my surprise, I awoke at 6:05 a.m. when I normally wake up at 5:40. So already I knew I was in for one and while I was in the shower I considered calling in sick because I had this feeling of dread about how the day would turn out. In my head kept replaying the ice cream truck music from the night before and I thought I would go insane.
I got to school, got my things ready for 5th hour and started the day off. 5th hour went by without any glitches, except for the package I was supposed to get wasn't anywhere to be found. 6th hour came and went without much flair, just the usual monotonous work of my lazy seniors "working" on their writing portfolios. But after 6th hour, still no package and still no word from my realtor. Ugh...could this day go by any slower. My prep came and went and 8th hour was upon me. My 8th hour...boy are they a treat. Disrespectful to a T. The mix of kids in class do not do it justice and it would be decent if it weren't for a few particular girls in the class. Actually one girl, who by the way has a personal vendetta against me. Probably still from when I called her out on plagiarizing one of her poems. Since then she has given me nothing but attitude. The funniest part is that she told another teacher who she T.A.s for that I single her out! Can you believe that! These kids get away with murder nowadays and it just kills me. I would've never, in million years said that about a teacher. Good grief...

So my 8th hour was out of control like usual, that girl was a total snot, and my package was delivered to the wrong address in a wrong town. Plus on top of all that, they can't give me an answer to my house offer until tomorrow...

Some days just need to be over and this one is way past overdue. The only thing that cheered me up a little was by reading my favorite blog, Post Secret. It is always good to go on there and read what others are thinking. Only 1 month of school left, and then it is sweet freedom for about 2 months for me.

What is it all for?

2009-02-22T21:55:00.002-05:00

The end of the year swiftly approaches and I am almost done with my second year in education. I have just applied to a college for more information regarding an associate's in Graphic Design. I am also enrolled in the Educational Technology program through the state. I have my last parent teacher conferences the next two nights and the beginning of placement for the boys' soccer team. So much is happening all at once and I am stuck here at a crossroads wondering, "Why do I teach English? Really, what good is it doing?"

It's a question I ponder every once in awhile and again, as I sit here on my couch getting things ready for Fahrenheit 451, I wonder if Bradbury could tell me. I don't want my students to be morons or ignorant to the big, vast world that is waiting for them. I want to prepare them with the skills necessary to become productive individuals in the workforce and in society. In the grand scheme of things, who cares if you read F451, or if you can spell ignominious correctly, or even if you know how and when to use who or whom? English isn't about those things, those are just a few of the "things" that make up what English is about. What happens in the English classroom on the other hand is the important part. Relationships that are built, guidance that happens (sometimes by mistake), and knowlede that is passed on; those are the most important aspects of English in a high school.

I just hope I can keep this up.

Writing in an Illiterate World

2009-01-26T16:04:00.003-05:00

I have found through teaching my juniors that persuasion is a thing that most people use on a daily basis. I have also found that by teaching something step-by-step they seem to actually understand it better. I have also found that through modeling what I want through writing my own essays and sharing them with the students, they seem to see that, "Yes, if my teacher does it, I can do it too, it IS possible."

Of course, with this I have ran into my critics, but not everyone will like my style of writing and I know I am not the best writer either, but at least I am sharing my writing. That is the only way to prove a point I think, is by actually trying something yourself and not just talking at the students. They need to see that you can do it too and that it is a feasible project for them to undertake. If there is no connection with the real world, then they won't see the worth in what you teach. There are many real-world applications to writing, but my students, they just don't see it yet. Hopefully by the time they leave my classroom they will have the basics down.

One can only hope...

Back to School...

2009-01-04T19:09:00.002-05:00

Going back to school tomorrow feels extremely stressful, but yet at the same time I can immerse myself once again into the English curriculum. I am still trying to set some New Year's Resolutions about my teaching career and I feel that I will never be able to move on to teach at a college.

I hope I will someday.

Knowing that I have a few more hours to spend getting prepared for tomorrow and the rest of the week makes me feel a little less stressed. There is so much to do as Term 2 comes to a close. My juniors will be finishing up poetry, my seniors will be finishing up Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I will be moving on to teach Fahrenheit 451 and do some lessons on grammar, resumes, letters, and some other things...we'll see. I just hope the kids will be a bit more motivated than me, since I am not during this time of year. I need to teach something that has some kind of bearing on myself as well. I love doing research on things I haven't taught before, but I worry that I won't know enough.

I hate feeling unintelligent, even though sometimes I like to hide behind my ignorance...

Dwindling...

2009-01-01T14:52:00.002-05:00

New Year's Day...only three days until I go back to work. I've really enjoyed my two weeks off and I am already counting down the days until I have summer break. I know, it's sad, but I really have been enjoying this "me" time I've been getting. Lots of time to think, reflect, plan, and worry about what the end of the year will bring. Moving to a new high school next year, hopefully coaching the boys soccer team, starting my Ed Tech classes. Continuing to try and keep in contact with friends from college and high school.

I did however get to go back home to North Dakota for about a week and spend time with my family and take care of my mother for a few days after her surgery. I also got to see my best friend and it's the little things in life that make me truly happy. Sharing a conversation, drinking an ice-cold beverage, hugging, sharing secrets, and enjoying how the snow sparkles are just some of the things I know I will miss until I see my friend again. Hopefully with the New Year some of my kids will have made resolutions to make education a priority.

One can only wish...

Finally...

2008-12-20T00:04:00.002-05:00

Last day of school before the break. Wow...is all I have to say. The kids were nutso and there was a lockdown at the school for a good hour. As we were trapped within my classroom a few things occured: 1. I found out that one of my students was shot in the eye with a bb gun when he was little and his eye is all messed up. The way the light was reflecting on it in class brought it to my attention. 2. I really had to pee so during the lockdown I ran out of my room and up to the copy room to go to the bathroom. (Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to go out of my room; I then proceeded to go to another room to retrieve the popcorn we had made for class.) 3. We all made hot chocolate and watched Elf!

The one most important thing though out of my whole day was that I learned that I have two really great friends that I work with. We stood outside in the hallway during the assembly and I found to my great pleasure that I enjoyed these two individuals even more than I previously thought. I am glad I have made such good friends and I know they both have my back no matter what.

Merry Christmas.

Christmas Break...

2008-12-18T23:55:00.002-05:00

Every year I teach, it doesn't fail. Christmas break is probably the best time of year for teachers. Only in that we get a small break from the kids to recuperate and rejuvenate ourselves. I know that by the time Winter Break rolls around the kids have mentally checked out and I find myself doing the same. Even though I try really hard to be invested in what I am teaching. It almost seems futile though when I think about all the things I still have left to cover this year. I only have about two terms left and I want my seniors to leave with something they can use in real world or college.

I hope I don't fail them.

Dear Santa,

Please make me a better teacher.

Hopefully this works...

Wishy Washy

2008-12-07T23:48:00.002-05:00

Consuming me is the desire to take back my transfer request. Gone is the appeal of being the first to staff a new high school. I am already missing my friends.

There is a new high school opening next year and I put my request to transfer in a while back. I was excited at first of the possibility of being the first to staff a brand new high school. Now when I think about it, I realize that I love the high school that I am at. I will miss the good friends I have made there because I know they aren't going to be coming with me. It will be a challenge, that much is certain, but I think everything happens for a reason and I know that there was some reason I chose to go to Stansbury High next year. I just have to have faith.

To Utah and the Land of a Thousand Mormans...

2008-07-18T23:40:00.002-04:00

So it has come to my attention that myself and another teacher(who is my mentor) will be the two in the English department that are not LDS. For those of you who don't know what LDS stands for, 1. No, it is not a learning disability, and 2. it means Latter Day Saints, in other words, Mormon. Yup, I'm definitely in for a culture shock when I move. Good thing I am living in Salt Lake City and not out in Tooele or Grantsville. Still, even with the nervousness of being accepted(hopefully) I am excited for the move and it is getting closer and closer and the minutes seem to melt away in July's hot sun.

Utah

2008-06-15T19:03:00.002-04:00

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." -- Lao Tzu

Seeing that quote stirred a deeper longing to move, travel, and see the world. I have taken the next step in this journey we call life and have taken a job in Grantsville, UT. The previous post I talked about the middle school position I was offered. I took the high school position. I am extremely excited for this move to Tooele, UT and besides the financial situation it poses, I am ready for some adventure! I will update my blog with more information as it comes available and will keep posting my thoughts and feelings on this situation.

Cut the umbilical cord and get traveling!

Decisions...Decisions...

2008-06-07T12:24:00.002-04:00

Making decisions is part of growing up...decisions are made by adults...I never thought I would have to make a decision to move 1300 miles AWAY from family and friends.

Yes, that's right, I have been offered a job in Utah for a middle school in Grantsville, UT. I would be teaching 7th grade students(MY FAVORITE) and two elective courses. I was offered the job yesterday and I have been trying to make up my mind on whether or not to take the job. I want to say yes, but I am still waiting on Redwood Falls, MN and Grantsville High School in Utah. I am stressed out about whether or not to take the job and I am really concerned with the immediacy of the job offer. Hopefully, I will find out what is going on Monday with the other two jobs and then I can make my decision.

Wish me Luck...

Changes...

2008-04-20T17:01:00.002-04:00

The last time I wrote, I was off for winter break. A lot of changes have taken place since then and I've had a lot more experiences. Let me break it down into sections.

1. I had to report and document sexual harrassment that took place in my classroom. Messy buisness...
2. I had my final obsevation and also my summative observation. Most of it went well, apart from the sexual harrassment stuff.
3. I finished my long-term substitute job on March 7th, 2008. It was a bittersweet day.
4. I was hired about two weeks later for the current position I am starting on Monday for another long-term substitute position.
5. I am going back to school this summer to get my masters of education with a reading license.

So that about breaks it down into little pieces. Obviously there are details I've left out, but it's not like anybody really reads this except for me. I hope to become the teacher I need to be...someday. I just wish I had my own classroom.

Winter Break

2007-12-21T15:25:00.000-05:00

A time to soothe the aching teacher's soul... winter break. Many are the days I have counted down to this much needed break from the students. Yes, I said it, a break from the students. It's not that they're bad or anything, but it is just going to be nice to be away from the drama for awhile. There are also changes that need to be made when I get back to school after the New Year. I have to have the kids start calling me Miss R or Miss Ringgenberg, I need to become more strict in my discipline and I need to grow as a teacher. There is so much I need to do. Hopefully it will be a nice relaxing break. Happy Holidays to all!

Breakdown

2007-11-21T08:40:00.000-05:00

It's true what they say about new teachers having an emotional meltdown. I was privileged enough to experience my first one last week Wednesday. Yes, it is true, this does happen. Stress converging from too many points and then one incident sets you off. Well for me it was my third hour, which by the way is my worst hour, but the day started off fine. I had a great second hour and moving into third I was bracing myself for the upcoming "confrontation" I had to make to two of my students who did not wish to participate in class. I asked both students to come out into the hallway since they chose not to participate with the regular class work. Following that one of the students started accusing me of disrespecting him and telling me I had an attitude. Well, he said he didn't want to have a confrontation so he wanted me to write him a pass to the office to drop my class. I gladly wrote him one. Once the student was out of the room I had received another new student in my class and so I was explaining the project we were doing together as a class. We are reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and that hour just did not want to participate at all. So as I was explaining again I just told them they can pick out their own project and do that for their three weeks.

That's when I lost it.

I didn't cry in front of them, but left the room to collect myself. Well, I couldn't collect myself and then after that the floodgates were opened. I was finally able to go home around lunch to recoup, but the experience left me trembling. I was concerned with how I gave up. I am not that kind of person. So it really scared me. The stress of trying to get the kids interested in the book was, I think, too much for me to handle. Next time I will try something a bit less challenging. Alice Sebold writes in a distinct way and some of the students are easily discouraged by her way of writing. I can understand that. What I don't understand is the terrible attitude that most kids have in this school. They are frustrated and don't try and want to do as little or no work as possible. I know that teaching is a good choice for me, but sometimes I doubt myself and my abilities. I did realize though that I can become stronger after these kinds of incidents, but my suggestion to all of you new teachers out there is to think about that one student you have helped, influenced, taught, or learned from and it makes it all worthwhile in the end.

Broken...

2007-11-13T17:13:00.000-05:00

So I just feel I can't get things right. Even though the other teachers tell me, "Don't take it personal..." I just feel that I can't teach some days. Other days I feel that I have the greatest experience ever with the kids. I guess I just need to hold onto something to get me through the day. Some of these kids have gotten nothing but the general "you won't graduate" spiel from one teacher or parent or some other adult and I feel that they have these pre-designed resentments already in practice when I get them in my classroom. How does one teach, if another is unwilling to learn?

Another disturbing thing that I have been mulling over is a book I happened upon the other day in the Young Adult section of Borders. It was a book called, "The Teenage Liberation Handbook: how to quit school and get a real life and education" and it disturbed me so much I am writing about it. There was a chapter on Teachers and to tell the truth it made me feel inconsequential and basically make me want to change my profession. Everyone should just educate themselves I guess. I don't teach because I want to control. I teach because I love literature and I love English. Apparently to the woman who wrote it didn't believe in this sort of thing. I feel cursed with my profession and am currently thinking of going back to school for another career next semester. I feel everything I will do will not affect anyone and it will be a waste of my life to teach something nobody wants to learn about.

I feel so insignificant.

One Month and Still Kickin'

2007-10-30T07:24:00.000-05:00

It has been exactly one month since I have written and to tell you the truth, it's been a wild ride. Some things have been going great, while others are things I'd rather not deal with. I'm doing a unit on masks this three week grading period and so far it has been a fun experience. It's fun to see what the kids have come up with. Right now I am in the process of actually teaching the process of short story writing. That is one thing that is fun about this, the kids have some wild imaginations and I am excited to see what kinds of stories they come up with.

Hopefully this all turns out ok, but they are in for a rude awakening the next three weeks because we are reading, "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold and it will be a good experience for those kids who haven't read a book yet this year. Well, I'm on my prep so I need to get something done before class...

A REAL English Teacher I Be...

2007-09-30T14:09:00.000-04:00

To be frank, I never knew I would be on the path I am now. My life seems to be taking on a personality all of its own. My mother told me that things just happen that are unexpected and that we need to roll with them. Well, I'm the rock and my life is that mountain I am rolling down.

Well, this summer I applied one last time online for a teaching position, had a phone interview with the principal and BAM! I was hired four days later. I am now teaching at an alternative high school and I have 11th & 12th grade English. It's definately been a challenging first month. I have survived up to this point, but it's not about survival anymore, it's about the students I get to teach everyday. I get so excited about going to school to teach something new every three weeks. Right now I am doing a unit on Violence in the Media and the kids are getting really excited about it. I am excited about it too, because it is something I feel strongly about. This seems to rub off on the students too. Next grading period I am teaching a unit on Masks and the stories behind them. It is going to be a great unit once I am done planning it.

So my decision to start a career was the right one and things go as planned, I want to start my graduate degree in January. I miss college. Weird, I never thought I would say that. I will try to post more often about my first year experience. I hope this helps someone out there. Oh, they don't teach you in a university anything you need to know when you are out there in the field on your own. There are so many things you have to learn through trial and error. I wish they would have a course on school politics...

Job Hunting

2007-04-18T18:45:00.000-04:00

So the decision was made that I would not be attending graduate school. I need to get away from this town for awhile and if it was meant to be, I'll be back. For now I will be looking for jobs and hopefully starting my career as a professional English teacher. I am excited to begin this ew chapter in my life and start from scratch once again. College was fun and it was definately a great experience, but now the pressures of the real world seem to be crushing my hopes just a little. I hope I get the job I want and it will definately be a learning experience. Cheers to this next adventure!

2007-03-30T16:46:00.000-04:00

This is my class...I blend in with my students, but that's ok. I am one sad student-teacher. I don't want to be done. This is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another in the book that is my life; I am the author, illustrator, editor, and publisher. It's a good time to go into writing.

My life starts soon and I don't know where it will take me...

On the Edge of a New Beginning...

2007-03-30T00:28:00.000-04:00

Thinking about tomorrow and how it is my last day of the twelve weeks of student-teaching is a heavy feeling. In the same sense though, I have grown up as well and so have most of my students. I feel confident in myself and I feel confident leaving my experience as a well-rounded educator. I'm definately going to miss it though.

I'll miss the crazy kids, the unpredictability of the school day, the improvised lessons, and all of the rewards that teaching has. I've learned to "chalk one up" to teaching experience and I've learned that I love teaching middle school kids, even when they are being smart-ass little punks. I will blog tomorrow about the big last day!

The FINAL Week

2007-03-25T22:56:00.000-04:00

This past Friday I completed my teaching experience and it was bittersweet at most. The kids know I am going to be around so it wasn't a tearful farewell. A number of my students made "going away" cards for me and one student in particular wrote me a metaphor for life. She compared it with a roller coaster and it was about a page long and filled with spelling errors. But I loved it and I will cherish it. I didn't know I had such an impact on these students' lives. Some of them more than others, but in the end, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

There is no place I would rather be than in my pod teaching those squirmy, awkward seventh graders. So there is my final week to take care of and I am ready for it to be over, but I don't want it to end either. I think that I need my own classroom and my own job. I am excited to go out into the world and establish myself in the world of English and Education. Raise you wine glass with me and cheers to this, my final week!

Spring Break

2007-03-21T23:56:00.000-04:00

Conferences went well and spring break was on its way. It was so nice to be done with school for a little while. There are times when you just need to recoup and re-energize. For my relaxing get-away, I traveled to Sin City. The picture is one I took when we were in Old Las Vegas. This is the cowboy you see on most movies. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty cool to be down there and experience Las Vegas. There is too much to do and see in three days. I will definately be going back down there in the future.

Regardless of my vacation though, coming back to teaching was nice after the break. My students also got vacations and most of them seemed pretty tired the Monday we came back. I was exhausted, but I think I still had a little bit of jet lag.

The week has progressed slower than I would like, but in two days, I am done with the classroom portion. Next week is for observations only and then next Friday... I'm finished! It seems I just started and I finally feel comfortable with the kids and in the classroom. I'm finally finding my style and my niche, but like all things, this must come to an end. It's been a whirlwind of emotions and experiences and I know I will never get sick of being in the classroom. Like the paradoxes we are learning about; the more knowledge I gain, the less I realize I know.

Conferences...Parents...

2007-03-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

I'm dreading Wednesday afternoon and Thursday. Why? Conferences. Parents. Drama. Scary. Nervous? Yes, very. Talking with the students is one thing. Dealing with the parents is a another. I know how parents can be. I'm a coach. I've seen some parents in action. From what I hear too about some of the parents, it seems that they're a little psycho as well about their kids. Thinking that their kid is the the best student.

What I should be thinking about though is the parents that don't show up. That's a sign to me too. Those parents who don't have a clue what's going on with their child at school is just as sad. The poverty level here in this district is high, so I have a feeling I won't be getting a lot of parents. Plus conferences are on a Wednesday night and Thursday all day. Wish me luck.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep....

2007-03-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Snow falls; softly, heavily, silently. The delicate snowflakes coat the pines in our front yard reminding me of sugar-frosted mini-wheats. I trudge through the crunchy, wet snow towards my car and unlock the door. Damn car, it doesn't start. Like usual. What a great start to my day. I wonder if school will get let out early?

I found out later today that everywhere else got to leave early, but not us. So we finally got some snow, but instead of gradually getting it, we just get dumped on. Figures. I hope school is canceled tomorrow. That would be awesome. Not that I don't like going to school, but it's nice to get a day off unexpectedly. March is definately coming in like a lion, that's for sure.

All this snow, falling so quietly, gently like a down blanket over the city and people; makes me want to sleep. I haven't been sleeping lately and I need to just close my tired eyes and rest. Fourteen days total left. Short and sweet. The snow is falling now. My eyelids are heavy. I'm going to bed.

WHERE ARE YOU SPRING???

2007-02-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

Spring...it needs to come. The kids are getting restless, the teachers are getting restless, and it hasn't even been that bad of a winter! The problem is the cold; the biting, driving cold. This is the no-snow-but-freezing-ice-cold-frostbite-depressing-stay-at-home kind of winter. It is the kind that is hard on all of us. I see the effects day after day. The kids seem to become more sluggish and lazy, not having the drive or motivation even to do anything. I feel it too. Deep down in the marrow of my bones. It is not a normal winter, it is abnormal. The flowers need to come; peeping out of what little snow on the ground we have. The rain needs to come, there has been little to no precipitation all year. Grass needs to grow; beautiful, fresh grass smelling of rich earth and life. The darkness needs to fade, more daylight needs to come and with it a rejuvenation of life in this place where darkness and cold take hold for a majority of our months. I'm waiting...waiting for the spring.

Sick+Stressed=Crabby Student-Teacher

2007-02-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

I've decided that being sick is for losers. Yes, that is the conclusion I have come to. I need to go have another smoothie with some cold buster in it...Oh the beauty of Echinacea. I've been taking that and Vitamin C every day since I've started feeling crappy. I hope it helps. Exercise wouldn't hurt either. I need to run today. This kind of stuff is important when one is going through the experience of student-teaching. You should be relaxed, revived, replenished, and all of that jazz. Running....that's what I need to do, I need to go running and start lifting weights again. Yes...we'll see how far that goes. Well I know I'll be running for sure, the lifting part, that's iffy. Oh and don't get sick. That's my last word of advice.

Long Time, No Blog

2007-02-08T23:02:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in awhile and there are many reasons as to why this is. First, I've been drained and swamped with all of the grades and papers and what not that goes along with teaching. They definately don't tell you how much work and how much EXTRA work that goes along with the teaching profession. Well I can say that I'm chalking a lot of things up for "teaching experience" and also going to have some good stories for later on. This week hopefully I can get caught up with a bunch of grading and paperwork and hopefully get caught up with my Standards course that I take on-line. Maybe I'll bring it home with me this weekend. I have to go home to get my car fixed..so I have a super short week. We had Monday off and I'll be gone Friday. So I have a 3 day week. Nice. Hopefully I can get a bunch of things done this weekend and this week. I just hope I remember to breathe.

Sick Day

2007-01-31T22:41:00.000-05:00

Today I took a sick day. I didn't go to school and I stayed home all day, sleeping and trying not to feel like absolute crud. My roommate who is also student teaching stayed home as well, she had the stomach flu and well, it's not pretty. She is feeling better though and so am I for the most part, we're both pretty crabby and that's never any fun. I'm trying to get a lesson planned for tomorrow on persuasive writing. We'll see how that goes. Friday we have quite a bit to do, so I don't know how this is going to work out.Losing this day today really puts me behind. Ugghh...Then there is the job search I am trying to conduct for next fall. That's not going as well as I would've liked either. I want to apply in Duluth, Marshall, and if at all possible Colorado somewhere...hopefully. I have this dream that I am going to be living, on my own, in an apartment with my cat Heath and a few other things I need and it'll be the life I always wanted. But that's one dream I won't ever be able to have I think. I will just have to keep on dreaming I guess, or otherwise life just isn't worth living if you can't dream. On a side note: sick days are sometimes good for the soul, take one, even if you're not sick.

What Goes Around Comes Around

2007-01-27T10:08:00.000-05:00

Sunlight poured through the two rectangular windows in the front of the store and the conversations of the coffee shop floated through the air and were drawn towards my ears like a moth to a flame. My eyelids have a mind of their own, I thought, while battling a wave of drowsiness. The phone rang, disturbing my reverie and my nap. It was my roommate on the other line. So we chatted and I recounted the events of the previous drama filled Friday night. She listened intently, except for the occasional interjections of; Oh!, Really?, What?, and Are you kidding?! Details aside, I still need some sleep due to the lack thereof; forty five minutes just doesn't cut it. Espresso does wonders, as I found out that day; the beautiful caffeine buzz that is coffee coursed through my veins like some viscious heroin addiction, and I liked it. Most people do and I have been increasingly addicted to coffee, although I only drink it in the mornings. After my shift at the coffee shop, which I am a barista at; I slept for six hours straight, coming down from my caffeine high, I crashed once I got home. Wasted the whole day and I was going to grade papers, but it looks like I'll be doing that tonight and tomorrow. We have an inservice at the high school tomorrow, so no school. This gives me an extra day to get some work done. But I have to get up early tomorrow morning and there will be coffee; smooth, rich, and mixed with delectable creamer. That's how I like to start my day off. Caffeine buzz...

Days of Absolute Bliss

2007-01-20T19:26:00.000-05:00

There I was; a student-teacher in the unknown world of the wild middle school jungle. I was armed with books, my brain, and a few other things they can't possibly teach you in education or methods courses. Survival of the fittest comes to mind when I think of how the first couple of weeks has been. Delving deeper into this mystery of the middle school and all of its inhabitants that thrive and sometimes, yes, sometimes die. There are many factors that play into the nurture and evolution of a middle school student, but these students...oh dear...there are so many issues. Issues that cut deep into their fragile adolescent hearts, that fester and puss inside them if the right kind of help isn't administered.

But that is just the tip of the iceberg, and there will be more posts on that issue, but back to my story...There I was; dutifully teaching my seventh graders the mysteries of word processing and the wonders of poetry and then it hit me, like a rock smacking me in the back of the head, my students were learning! They were learning and they were learning from me! Sometimes the mysteries of the world would mean nothing if there wasn't that switch that came on inside your mind from time to time. I love to teach. No question about it. This may be a dangerous jungle of middle school students, but I am pretty sure I may just be the lion-tamer some of them need in their lives, to help them get back on track. I am a role-model for these kids, and no amount of college could have ever prepared a person to teach at this level. Interesting.

DRAINED

2007-01-16T17:08:00.000-05:00

Another class was added today. Now I am teaching fourth and seventh hour, along with sixth, but that is my enrichment hour. Suprisingly my fourth hour was better behaved than my seventh hour. Lately my seventh hour has been walking all over me. But I can't let them do that anymore. My co-op teacher and I are going to talk about some alternatives that I can try to get the students to settle down. Hopefully this will work. Another student since having her in soccer has been giving me attitude, which is so unlike her, but she shouldn't think that she will be getting away with anything just because I know her. I told her I would call or e-mail her mother if the attitude kept up. Too much happened today again, I need to go running and relax tonight. Tomorrow is another day. Through adversity comes true character.

A Little OFF Track

2007-01-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

This may be a little off topic, but sometimes, as an English teacher you just need to write random stuff to let some creativity out. This post won't be about teaching necessarily, but it could give me some ideas about my non-fiction unit I will be teaching soon. Be ready for the unimaginable...

Ok, you see that beautiful Christmas tree above? Yeah. I skated around it with my boyfriend during Christmas; located in beautiful downtown Pittsburgh. You know the story; clear, starry skied December night, not too chilly, but just right. The lights on the tree were gorgeous golden rays of Christmas spirit and it had this ethereal feel around it. The kind of feeling you get when you are around something greater than yourself. It was perfect and romantic. That night I fell in love all over again. I wasn't sure it was possible; the timing was just perfect.

Between the ice and the skating, it seemed almost surreal how everything was in place for such a wonderful night. There were these gigantic towers of steel and glass, standing tall and proud around this circular pond of ice with its centerpiece of green and glowing lights. If you looked above, beyond the city lights, you could see the clear, bright moon and a few twinkling stars overhead. I got that warm, fuzzy feeling which ran up from my toes all the way into my fingertips. I got it again when I looked into his ever-changing green eyes. There was nothing holding me to the ground, my soul grew wings and flew toward that moon; with its silver radiance that permeated the crisp night.

I look at this picture now and think back upon the way I felt, the feel of his hand holding mine, the sound of steel skate blades upon the frozen surface, the laughter of children as they learned to stand on their own skates, and the breeze rush over my cheeks. A perfect night, one that I will remember forever.

Yes, that wasn't like my other posts, but when you think about teaching and school as much as I do, it's nice every once in awhile to just...WRITE. It's a release, and I hope to share this with my students. This is a creative non-fiction piece based on an object, but the feelings and memories it stirs within are truly original. Many others could interpret this picture to mean something else, so that's the beauty of writing, to express your individual sense of creativity. So take this challenge, look at the picture, see what it stirs up inside of you. Be the author, editor, and illustrator of your own story.

A Perfect Start to End a Perfect Day...

2007-01-10T21:36:00.000-05:00

I walked out the front door with my black leather briefcase slung over one shoulder, along with my purse, in my other hand I held a steaming coffee cup full of tea; I wore these cute black suede wedge heeled shoes which have absolutely no grip on the bottom of them and to my suprise, I slipped on the damn ice! Landed on my hip and my briefcase broke my fall, my coffee cup stayed pretty much stable since that is the one thing I didn't want to drop. That incident pretty much started my day off right. The school day went pretty smoothly for the most part, and I got an e-mail that brightened my day, but once 7th hour hit...it was all downhill. I had to repeatedly talk to the kids to get them on track and finally when I was trying to help a student write a limerick, I couldn't even think because of the noise. I had to get up in front of the class and put my foot down, some kids looked shocked, some looked scared, and some were trying to hold back giggles, but in the end I got them all to work. I told them they were being rude and immature to me and their classmates by not working on their poems that I had given them 15 minutes to do! Once I told them that I would start writing people up, then I really got their attention. They didn't think I could do that, but I will. With a perfect start and the perfect end to my perfect day I feel just...well, perfect. Tomorrow is another day. Erase the whiteboard and start over.

Another Wonderful Day

2007-01-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

There is a saying in Education, "To leave school at school" and "Let it go, tomorrow is another new day". These I have found are very helpful and full of truth. There is also that misconception, even for myself that a teacher can reach every student; no, no it is not possible. Especially when a student tells you that she hates school and doesn't want to do anything. They choose to fail. I believe there are a lot of these kids who slip through the cracks. They get to high school and WHAM! it hits them like a ton of bricks that they won't pass those state exams to graduate and they drop out, and the vicious cycle begins again with their own kids, whom they have at age 17...That is the worst case scenario and not all of these kids will end up like this, some want to succeed, but there have never been those teachers who will help them out, passing them onto Special Ed. because they believe that there is something "wrong" with them, or that they are "slow" to learning. I've already been at the middle school for five days, but it feels like I've been there a month with all of the information I get on kids every day. Their home life isn't very good in some cases and parents seem to be out of the picture for most kids. It's a hard reality to come to and I know that this will be the case for me once I get my first teaching job. The learning experience is great, it totally knocks you on the head and shows you how teaching is and how the teachers that do the good work often get the shaft with money and with other issues. I hope that whoever reads this thinks about a teacher they were sometimes rude to and goes back to that teacher and apologizes and thanks them for all the hard work they did when they had them for class. That's all for my ranting today, hopefully I will post tomorrow; just remember that "Every day is every day and each day is a journey..."~Tremmel. It's how you live each day and what path you choose to take on your journey that makes you who you are.

First Class

2007-01-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

I finally taught my first class today. It was pretty fun. Oh and I read aloud to my students for a whole hour out of this book they are reading for their enrichment class. Oi! That book is terrible...Oh well, whatever works. I had a student tell me today that they don't want to do their work, in reply to this I asked them why? they replied that they are lazy and doesn't like school. Sometimes it's a sad case when your students say these things to you. I wish I could've put some emphasis on the fact that the student needs to be responsible and that by choosing not to do their work they are choosing to fail. I feel sometimes no remorse for this kind of student, but it also breaks my heart to know that they will end up in a situation like their parents or worse... I am going to start trying to get on here more often because it feels like more of a release when I spill my feelings and reflections of the day on here. On another lighter note however, I made some headway with some students today with poetry! This age level hates poetry, but they don't know how valuable it truly is until they get older. Speaking of that here's some haiku I wrote yesterday and today. I got in the "mood" to say the least and this is what came out...

Chocolate
Rich, milk chocolate
Textures of satin and silk,
Tongue tastes ecstacy.

Storm
Lightning flashes, bright;
Heavy, dark storm clouds roll in
Smell rain and sulphur.

Peaches
Sweet juice drips, golden
Down onto the green grass blades
Hungering for more.

First Day

2007-01-03T21:51:00.000-05:00

I had my first day of student teaching today at the middle school where I am assigned for the next twelve weeks. It was fun and exciting. I got to meet many of the staff that work in the school. I already knew the principal so I chatted with him for awhile before and after school. My teacher introduced me to all of the classes we have and I already know that many of my students will be quite a handful and expecially my fifth hour class. It seems that the boys I have already have crushes on me. I will deal with that as soon as possible because they need to respect me and that I am their elder and not their peer. I felt the excitement within my heart rise when I was in front of the classroom and I can't wait to start getting classes and preparing for my weeks. Poetry is going to be a blast to teach! Nothing else too amazing happened today, but we'll see how everything progresses throughout the week. Here's to an eventful twelve weeks!

Heart Pounding...Mind Racing

2007-01-02T22:35:00.000-05:00

It's nine thirty-five, it's been dark since five o'clock and the cold is settling on the town like a blanket. I already plugged my car in and set my alarm for the morning. I wonder what I'm going to wear in the morning? Should I have a snack right now? Should I just go to sleep? If I lay down now, I might just lay in bed for the next two hours and not fall asleep. I need to relax. I am getting anxious to see all the students I will be teaching for the next twelve weeks tomorrow morning. I wonder if I will make a difference in these next three months? I hope I am ready, I don't want to fail, but Tremmel says that it is as much a part of teaching as anything else. I may fail in some small ways this semester, but I won't fail my students. I won't fail myself. Confidence...confidence; this is what I must gain. I want to teach so bad. I am so excited about what I am going to learn about my students, about myself, about my teaching, about my cooperating teacher, about education, and about putting all of these together to make a whole. My brain needs to shout off, but the nervousness in my body has my heart going a mile a minute. Breathe. Tomorrow is another day, but it is the start of a new journey into the lifestyle of an English teacher which I will become someday. Wish me luck.

Praxis II I dominated YOU!!!

2006-12-27T19:22:00.000-05:00

I got my score reports from the Praxis II series of tests during break. The Praxis II is the last set of tests that I needed to take to get my official teaching license. I passed with flying colors!!! This made me breathe a huge sigh of relief after I was done opening the dreaded envelope of doom! The only reason I was so nervous was because one of my other roommates didn't pass hers. So it was a little nerve-racking. All I have to do is finish my student teaching and I am an officially licensed teacher! YAY! (I know that isn't grammatically correct, but it's the internet so I'll let it slide for now...)

Teacher

2006-12-14T15:07:00.000-05:00

So I met my co-op Teacher today and she was very nice and very open to me coming next semester. I found out there will be many things I have to learn from her and she said there are things she will learn from me as well. The one thing that stuck in my mind was that she made a comment about always learning and she has been teaching for over 25years! I guess it really never stops, which is good, because I like learning new things. I found out I will be teaching a drama class to start out with, scary thought because I have never really been much into acting, but it will all be a challenge. So it's just the waiting game until school starts. I'm so excited!

Finals Week

2006-12-12T14:36:00.000-05:00

There are so many things to do this week, I don't know how I am going to get any of it finished. I still have to meet with my cooperating teacher before I leave Saturday...I hope I can get a hold of her. I wonder what kinds of things I am going to be teaching next semester? Ok, focus, I have an 8-10 page paper left to write, a play to finish for tomorrow, and a British Lit exam to study for on Friday. I will officially be done with my book classes on Friday afternoon. It's a scary thought. I wonder what I'm going to be doing next year...? I am going to start my paper. No more procrastinating.

Mind in a Million Places

2006-12-11T18:31:00.000-05:00

There are fragments of knowledge in my brain; about life, teaching, literature...which one am I going to use in the classroom? Student teaching is only 3 weeks away. A new semester not in the student's desk, but in front of the students, teaching them. I hope I'm ready. Methods courses have given me ideas about teaching English and I know about classroom discipline, but what am I going to do if I freeze? What if my students hate me? Seventh grade pupils will be the harshest of critics. I am armed with the knowledge of an Education background, but it is the knowledge I gained in life about the profession of teaching that will carry me through. I already love teaching and I haven't stepped into the classroom yet...