Breakdown

It's true what they say about new teachers having an emotional meltdown. I was privileged enough to experience my first one last week Wednesday. Yes, it is true, this does happen. Stress converging from too many points and then one incident sets you off. Well for me it was my third hour, which by the way is my worst hour, but the day started off fine. I had a great second hour and moving into third I was bracing myself for the upcoming "confrontation" I had to make to two of my students who did not wish to participate in class. I asked both students to come out into the hallway since they chose not to participate with the regular class work. Following that one of the students started accusing me of disrespecting him and telling me I had an attitude. Well, he said he didn't want to have a confrontation so he wanted me to write him a pass to the office to drop my class. I gladly wrote him one. Once the student was out of the room I had received another new student in my class and so I was explaining the project we were doing together as a class. We are reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and that hour just did not want to participate at all. So as I was explaining again I just told them they can pick out their own project and do that for their three weeks.

That's when I lost it.

I didn't cry in front of them, but left the room to collect myself. Well, I couldn't collect myself and then after that the floodgates were opened. I was finally able to go home around lunch to recoup, but the experience left me trembling. I was concerned with how I gave up. I am not that kind of person. So it really scared me. The stress of trying to get the kids interested in the book was, I think, too much for me to handle. Next time I will try something a bit less challenging. Alice Sebold writes in a distinct way and some of the students are easily discouraged by her way of writing. I can understand that. What I don't understand is the terrible attitude that most kids have in this school. They are frustrated and don't try and want to do as little or no work as possible. I know that teaching is a good choice for me, but sometimes I doubt myself and my abilities. I did realize though that I can become stronger after these kinds of incidents, but my suggestion to all of you new teachers out there is to think about that one student you have helped, influenced, taught, or learned from and it makes it all worthwhile in the end.